The microwave at 1 second / Me at 3 am Living the dream / 9 A.m. / 1 P.m. / 3 P.m. / Fap fap / 5 P.m. / 7 P.m. / 9 P.m. / 11 P.m. / 2 A.m. / Living the dream People: Life is like a roller coaster. / My life: You good bro? / Haha yeah just tired Camouflage pants are getting better and better You pull out a loose hair from your scalp / It has a large white bit on the end / You pull the white bit off with your fingers Manager: You need to socialize with your coworkers more. / Me: *Hang on, let me just find the part where it mentions I need to be friends with my colleagues in my contract...* Doctor: You need to eat 3 meals a day. / Me: Write me a prescription for some food stamps then.
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