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I got one more minute
Good character design can be identified by its silhouette alone
Friend: drags super long conversation i wasn't paying attention to / me: "that's crazy"
Do you sometimes choke on your own saliva and feel like you're about to die for a couple seconds? / Huh? / Sorry, that was a strange thing to ask.
Did anyone else as a kid sleep in the car on the way home and know exactly where you are by feeling the car turn? / You know, i'm something of a gps myself.
Dear santa i have been evil and i dont believe in you 11 months of the year but id like $80,000 in cash given neatly in an envelope all in $100 bills. thank u
Me: buys a treadmill so i can finally do some exercise / My brain: you could also just create an epic car montage / Me: but why would i-
Gas / Liquid / Solid / Plasma / Bose einstein condensate / Cat
When you approach a curb you need to step over, but u realize that you wouldn't make it with the leg you're comfortable with, so you change your step distance
When you accidentally rubbed shampoo into your eyes and you wait for the pain to end
What to Do if the Plants Trip You
STEP ONE: Remain still. This was just a warning. If the plants willed it so, you'd be dead already.
STEP TWO: Think, "What have I done to offend the plants?"
STEP THREE: Make a list; for each item, write what you could do to make things better.
STEP FOUR: Show the list to the plants.
STEP FIVE: If the plants don't come at you with their lethal leaves, flowers, and fronds, this means they have accepted your action plan.
STEP SIX: Follow the list to the letter.
STEP SEVEN: The plants are watching.
What I think games from a decade ago look like
HIGH SCORE / SCORE / TIME / DISTANCE / SPEED / STAGE 1
What they actually look like
Welcome weary traveler.
To my SHOP
How may I assist you?
Buy / Sell / Talk / Exit
995G 6/8
They say all animal become crab. Will human also become crab?
Ancestor crustacean / Ancestor mammal
Omnivore diet / Grippy hands / Legs can walk in all direction but not fast / No tail
Conclusion: Human will not become crab
Human already crab
Writers / Time travel / Their show's already confusing plot
The pros and cons of getting out of bed / Pro / Nothing leaps to mind / Con / Literally everything
Some random guy's "Nice" comment / -1
Restaurant drinks logic / Waiting for food / While eating food
Practicing the ancient swamp magic the frog mage / (farting in the tub)
People ask what you do for a living so they can calculate the level of respect to give you
People are like fridges.. / It doesn't matter if you're pretty / Plain / Tall / Or short / Or have things all over your face / Because what truly matters / ...is what's inside
Nightmares are just free horror movies that you produce, direct, and star in
My black cat looks like my white cat's shadow / Illusion 100
My friend doing weird shit and being loud / Me who just saw the teacher looking at us