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Bro on game comms telling me about his amazing day with his gf / Me thinking about the food i ordered 2 mins ago
Kalm / Panik / Panik
Iphone better / No android better / Walkie talkie / Correct, over
Introverts when no one at the party asks them questions they rehearsed for all week
That's a ma' girl! / I outrank you, in this scenario! / Thank you, Mario!
My little brother: I deleted Minecraft off your computer to make room for Fortnite / Me: You what
Happiness is a full bowl on an unattended kitchen counter
Fixing a boo boo as a kid / Fixing a boo boo as an adult / Pat pat
Are the apes still slinging shit at each other? / Yes, but now it explodes.
6 year old me after sitting on 10 chairs stacked on top of each other / Do not question the elevated one
Her: You're my world / Also her: Worlds 169
When your one weird friend starts asking why nobody's been online the past month. / "I told you he was onto us."
Me: Oh no, there're 6 of us and only 3 pizza slices left. / Thanos: snaps his fingers / 3 of my friends turn to dust / Me: Wow! Thanks, Thanos!
Me: Starting today I'm gonna eat healthier / Me at 11pm
Me: goes to a family dinner / Some woman ive never seen in my life: Ive cleaned your ass when you were little
My therapist : portal cat can't hurt you. it's not real /portal cat
Me: opening the subtitles because i don't understand the lyrics / Subtitles: [Music]
Online schooling is too hard I never learn anything / me sitting on my phone the whole time
My teacher who misheard it as the correct answer / Me who said the wrong answer
My sister & her friend / OMG, David just dumped me / Girl, he don't deserve you / Me & my friend / I'm gonna die alone
Me when I run out of smalltalk: The lifespan of an onion is determined by how long it lives
Game is Game / me when I have to grind for an item / me when I have to grind for a 10sec "romance" cutscene
Me opening reddit for the 34094th time today / "I'm bored with Reddit, time to get off" / me 10 seconds later
accidentally hits younger brother / Younger brother: starts crying / Me: / Please Don't tell mum / Look I'll hit myself too, ow I'm hitting myself look, now we're even