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wet dog meets semi wet dog no.body_special / i'm you, but with legs
In high school, I was complaining about how long the school day was and my teacher turned to me and said, "the days are long, but the years are short" and I was like "what the f*ck you talking about you lu**tic" and then the bell rang and now I'm in my 30s.
When you get an intrusive thought begone thought.
When the downstairs neighbors' argument sounds good asf
Carl has brought you water / He wants to make sure you stay hydrated / Say thank you for the water carl
Video Game Directors be like: Ok, now add two other paths that lead to the same quest destination
"let me take a picture before we start eating"
when someone says "so what do you like to do for fun" unexpectedly so u didn't have time to prep ur answers and now ur actually trying to think of the last time u felt joy
The guy I'm dating has the funniest cat ever. Will sit like this forever if you don't give him attention
After all... why not? / Why shouldn't I walk like a dog?
To become who you want to be, you must sacrifice 15 hrs 34 mins screentime
whenever i'm missing my parents i put 10 expired condiments in my fridge and it feels just like home
Mixing classical elements into death metal be like
Cat with snot bubble and new year's resolution / Me in January
Normal zombies vs zombies from resident evil
One of my favorite things to do is wake up in the middle of the night and think about stuff I can't control for three hours.
Doctor: is there anything that could be causing your chronic back pain? / Me every single night
Early humans: let's paint a mammoth on the cave walls / Modern artist: *sticks banana on the wall with duct tape*
