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Don't overshare just because someone 'is nice to you', you idiot
Me: Buys a toilet seat once from Amazon / Amazon for the next six months: Can I offer you a nice toilet seat in this trying time?
all that food and you decide to eat your desk
When it's been one heck of a week but it's only Tuesday / "A whiskey, please." / "Sir, this is McDonald's." / "Ok, a McWhiskey, please."
Me The fruit sticker My friend's clothes
If you're feeling lazy just know that my mom just asked my brother to vacuum his room, but he youtubed a vacuum sound & laid in bed instead / Modern Problems Require Outstanding Moves
When you're having period cramps but you're trying to act like everything's cool
Me after carrying the weight of being fucking stupid all day
Me trying to cover up all my problems and act normal.
profile pic of the best engineer at your company
When u accidentally breathe while taking a dump and now all ur progress has been reset
This is a placebo meme for humor calibration purposes / It has no inherent effect but studies have shown it to be as effective as regular memes in a certain percent of the population
The Disney character i thought i'd grow up to be / The Disney character i actually grew up to be
I made eggs: 3 for me and 2 for the pan
Grocery store clerk: did u find everything ok today / Me, who couldn't find the tortillas after 30 minutes of searching: yes
Me: Just woke up / My body: You need a nap!
When you show your friend your bank account balance and you're both surprised it isn't in the negatives yet
When i'm pulling the fakest story possible to impress a chick, and bro says, 'i was there'
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