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When you lean back a little too far in your chair:
When you are so lonely that you get the super power of identifying other lonely people around you / Lonely guy / Me
When my boss asks me at my performance appraisal why I always clock in at exactly 8:30 / A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. / He arrives precisely when he means to.
When an app asks you why you quit their service:/In terms of money, we have no money
Netflix: We have thousands of rare and obscure shows from the past / Me: Wow! Do you have- / Netflix: No
Tv show character: makes a joke that doesn't make sense / The laugh track:
If your girl... / Loves laying on top of you / Refuses to leave your side / And is by your side every night / Then that's not your girl. That's your sleep paralysis demon that has risen from the bowels of Hell to torture you. Why are you dating your sleep paralysis demon from Hell? I honestly don't know.
The sun hitting my puppy revealed his true size
The four horsemen of staring
Me: I'm having such a good time / Brain: Sure would suck if you get hit with a low mood, and go nonverbal, and come off as rude and uninterested in your friends / Me: / [Softly] Don't.
Sorry I had to cancel last minute / But it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn't used before.
Relax / Relax pro max
Reject modernity / Embrace tradition
Me: opens my phone for a second at a family reunion / Every young cousin within a 5km radius: / I want to play a game.
Non-car enthusiasts when they see a cool looking car / Definitely not a ferrari / That's a ferrari!!! / Look! Ferrari!!
Someone yawns/My brain:/What the hell was that?/I want to do it too!
Me: *Has neutral expression on my face* / My family: / What's wrong with you?
Me: *Plugs in mobile at 1% charge and removes at 15%*/Mobile:/You won't let me live. You won't let me die.
Me when my neighbors start a car door slamming contest at 3 AM
Me in the backseat when my friends are asking whats the next move when I was supposed to be home 2 hours ago
Me giving a speech to 10000 people in my mind / Me in our annual family gathering
Humans:/Build the pyramids with such precision that scientists today are still baffled/Also humans:
Dogs when they wiggle their tail / Cats when they wiggle their tail
When you're the funniest of your friends / But also the most unstable one / Welcome to my world of fun