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Teens in movies: I hate this small town, I can't wait to move to New York City someday! / The town they currently live in:
The perfect scarf doesn't exi-
Hey boss, that neurotic kid is doing lines again out in the parking lot.
The fastest things on earth / Cheetah / Airplane / Speed of light / Tape measure coming back
My therapist said I should rub this stone anytime I have the urge to masturbate / Two days later...
My mirror: you look cute / My camera: what's up shrek
Movie disclaimer: "Do not try this at home" / Me who just placed an order for 6 helicopters and a skyscraper:
Life has no meaning / Panik / You can create your own meaning / Kalm / That meaning is meaningless / Panik
Just broke one of my made up rules that only I have to follow
Me: I really need to revise for this exam / Inner me: Your grades do not define you
I can't send my family any pictures of my cat because they end up editing her into raw chicken everytime smh
You have a big heart / My friends telling me / Doctor telling me
You find a good show to watch that has 3 seasons / You finish it in 3 days and there is nothing left to fill the dark void in your soul
Me: Why do people think I'm mad all the time?
When you start feeling that weird stretching pain in your leg at night / So it begins
When the weird ape that you've been tracking and hunting for weeks begins to throw you bones and its leftovers
When she's a fucking mess but you love and take care of her anyway
When everything in my life is going smoothly for more than three days