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Psychology tricks to trick anyone / Lie to people / Introduce yourself as the guy who never lies / If someone asks if you are lying, say you're not lying
Playing 1v1 against your friend:/Lol you suck./Fuck you, noob./Playing co-op with your friend:/Damn bro, we both suck./I know.
Horses really be like "oh no I can't see you in my immediate vision guess the only logical response is to kick your fucking teeth in"
Family praising me for fixing the internet speed / Me who put my 50 gb torrent download on pause
Dad: *pumps gas into car* / Mom: "the smell of gasoline gives me migraines" / Me in the backseat inhaling that petrol incense:
Ayo wtf these dishes still doing here / Me, about to leave the house
I'm not planning on working here for long, I have plans and dreams / The rest of the company
Ah! So here's that one motherfucker from math problems
Me going to bed early so I can overthink things and create fake scenarios
Giving him a positive role model
Family member: So, hows your relationship? / Me: / Laslow / My gf is like the square root of -100. / A solid 10, but also imaginary.
When you try to save people but ended up destroying the entire city / Avenjurs
Virus enters my body / My immune system: either the invader leaves or we all leave
Cats for no reason / Mouse/bird corpse
Any other plant / Potatos / Water, soil, temperature, basically everything needs to be perfect / Dirt (Optional)
Are you eligible for remote work?/Can your job be done from home?/No/Do you make more than 200k per year?/Yes/No/Yes/Congrats! You are now a remote worker!/Do you make more than 200k per year?/No/Please report to the office immediately you disgusting piece of shit
Me / Any subject that I'm interested in / Anyone who asks about it
Friend: What episode are you on? / Me: Ep.39 / Friend: But you were on episode 4 yesterday! / Me: / The laws of time are mine
Microsoft: You need to pay to activate and use our Windows OS / Customer: Or else what? / Microsoft: You won’t be able to change your wallpaper / Customer:
When you're wearing wet/dirty gloves and your nose starts itching
When you're supposed to be taking a test but you left your head at home
When you're on a 96 hr hospital shift / Because batman has been at work / Superhero wahala
When your telling someone something deep, that you've never told a soul before and they pull out their phone mid sentence
When you sit on a stool in a shop after walking in the mall for 3 hours:/Humanity restored