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When you're eating in a restaurant and find a hair in your food, so you complain and the bald chef comes at you like
When you just have to sit down and admire how badly you f**ked up
When there's a red barrel in a FPS game, but it doesn't explode when you shoot it / Wait. That's illegal.
When someone replies with 'K' in a text message. / Here lies / This conversation
He's probably thinking about other dogs. / What was Scar's name before he got the scar?
My parents at the age of 29 / I think we can afford to have one more baby / Me at the age of 29 / We should find one more roommate or else we can't afford the rent
Tom and Jerry illustrating mouse holes like this / Do you trust me? / Me a child / With every cell of my body.
This position starts to get uncomfortable again
The support / The congratulations
Family of products!/Flex seal/Flex tape/Flex glue/Apple/The same phone, but more expensive/Apple fans
Skipped the gym today and put on a fitted sheet instead
I don't like this ad / Why am I seeing this ad? / This ad overheard my conversations
My bladder when another 3 hour movie drops in cinemas to massive critical and commercial success, giving Hollywood more reason to continue making them: / I'm tired, boss.
Me: Rubs my eyes a little too hard / My eyes:
Me after a cold call recruiter spends half an hour describing the role expectations, but refuses to say a single word about the salary. / Where banana?
Gambling / Maybe I'll win the next one / Life / Maybe tomorrow will be better
It's signs like these that always ruin my plans in life
Writing 🙂 in chat / It automatically converts to
Expections: I'll be learning new skills, networking, and growing my career / Reality: Replying to emails, attending endless meetings, and Googling 'how to make a pivot table' every day.
Love is like a fart- if you have to force it, it's probably shit. / Advice about love / Advice about farts
I bet he's thinking about that dumb rock he saw the other day. / That was really a cool rock. I should have kept it.
Family, friends, doctors, and therapists trying to help me / My depressed ass