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how the genie looks at me after I wish for him to work for $9 per hour for 40 years
When you finish early then remember all of the things you forgot to do
Pumped up kicks melody / Pumped up kicks lyrics
You ever had a “how the fuck did i get this scratch” scratch before?
My housekeeping style is best described as / "There appears to have been a struggle"
how sleep hits when you're sick
The bacteria living on my lettuce, watching me hold it under my kitchen tap for 2.3 seconds expecting to kill it
2012: "Take it off my hands $5000" / 2023: "I know what I got" $45,380
Me staring at the person whose spit landed on my lips while talking.
Me when i burn myself on some food and then wait two seconds to go in for another bite even tho i know it's too hot / IAM READY TO GET HURT AGAIN.
When you're trying to get ready for work but your bed keeps pulling you back to it..
Would you punch your best friend for $1,000,000? / Girls: yes / Boys: yes
Roommate: Another plant? Where would it even go? / Me: There's space in the living room
Day shift relieving night shift / Night shift relieving day shift: NO TIME TO EXPLAIN GRABACACTUS
My Brain: *makes me nauseous so that I remember to eat* / Me: *can't eat because I'm nauseous* / My Brain: mission FaiLed
The probability of me maturing / None / Also none, but in yellow to make Pac-Man
me trying to decide which one of my fake personalities to use to get someone to like me
What's your favorite song? / My favorite song is... WHAT IS MY FAV SONG??? UGHI CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING!
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