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Everyone asks "Where's the Loch Ness Monster?" But no one asks, "How's the Loch Ness Monster?"
What it feels like when you lie down after a night of drinking in your 30s
When you text them / And they call back
Me: So yeah its gonna cost me a lot. / My friend: Dude, I know a guy who can do it half price. / The guy:
Six year old me when I am bleeding so I drink my blood to reuse it again. / Recercling
Me callously calculating my behaviour in order to convince you I have emotions / Should add up to normal humanity
Some guy on YouTube: “You can easily build your own furniture for less than 50 bucks.” / His garage:
Me: *turns around "Where’s my sandwich?" / Dog: / Gone, reduced to atoms
When you've just received your monthly wage and see the first debit leave your bank account / So it begins
When your ADHD finally senses the deadline approaching / so it unlocks the hyper-focus mode in your brain / for the next 8 hours
When you finish giving an absolutely terrible presentation but everyone still claps just to appreciate your hard work
When I'm pushing through a high executive function task with a low dopamine return / I'm buying myself something after this shit
Trying to hand write a { / starter pack
Do you have a problem? / Yes / No / Can you do something about it? / Yes / No / Then don't worry.
The four horsemen of stupid shit we did with pencils in school
Ever see birds flying in a 'V' formation and notice that one side is longer than the other? / That is because there are more birds on that side.
Spencer / @ThatBassoonist / Me: 🙁 / Stingray smooshing it's face against the glass at the aquarium: / Me: 🙂
Step out of your comfort zone, they say
Screaming cat's name for 20 minutes / Accidentally whispered word that sounds like dog's name / Wanted to see me???
My husband brought home a Chucky doll and our cat loves it.
me every 2 years looking at a past self thinking I'll never be cringe again
Imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday, every half hour goes to your room opens the door and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves
If parallel universe is true / I hope that my otherself is happy.
