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What gives people feelings of power / Money / Status / Making a typo in your password and being able to correct it without deleting the whole thing
When you almost died trying to take a dump but this is all you managed
ok ima stop scrolling at 12:30 / damn its 12:31 guess ill stop at 1:00
When you rub your eyes a bit too much
My computer when I play during the day / My computer when I'm playing at 1:00 AM
Friend: If I could ever have a superpower it would be to slow down time / Me who already knows how to do that
there are two kinds of people in the shower
Friend during video call: "You would love this scenery! Wait let me show you..." / The scenery my friend shows me
me: oh, my back hurts so bad what the f*ck / also me playing ps4 all day like this
The rest of the team playing really well / You trying to fit in
me when i just enter the pool / while swimming: Fitness is my passion / when i exit the pool
haha what are you doing on your phone? / *switches apps*
*Asks a new friend to guess my age* *They guess right*
born to ID: / forced to ID:
Me at 25 after a quick 5 mile run / Me at 35 after buckling my kid into the car seat
a centaur that's half horse, half centaur
idiot son watching his favorite show: clock
My brain when I'm on a walk and I see a nice rock: Fool! Get the stone!
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