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Studies show the soul leaves the body when it's had enough / Me 5 minutes into my shift
I used to work at a bakery and each time something looked a bit off i just ate it.
I may look strong on the outside, but on the inside / I am overwhelmed by the ever-present thought that perhaps i will never find someone who truly loves me and will stay in my life long enough for me to get rid of years of emotional brainwashing and trauma and be able to finally express my love and affection properly and effectively
Hunger / Obsession / Anger
Chameleons: blend in with the surroundings / Electric eels: electrocute the perdator / Cats defense mechanism: i'll fucking slap the mcshit out of you
Me: I broke my phone screen / Friend: Take screenshot / Do you are have stupid
Batman is just a billionaire furry
Me planning every possible way an argument could go and always end up winning / Argument happens and start to stutter / My brain / I haven't programmed that path yet
A spoon's only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. / That's why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. / The spoon thinks there's suddenly tons of soup to deal with and it freaks out.
A group of cannibals after one of them dies:/Oh no!/Anyway
You ever think you're kinda pretty then see a different angle of your face and realize you're actually a swamp creature
Why would someone leave a perfectly good loaf of bread on the ground
When the fly you've been trying to swat all day comes back into range / Let's kill him properly this time
When the fastest kid and the most accurate kid are the last two standing in dodgeball / The flash vs arrow / The rest of the class
Trade offer / You receive: me / I receive: you / Made with fluffball / And your food
Me turning 4 years old and seeing the will of eating small toy parts leaving my body
Oh yeah, I finally beat the hardest challenge in the game! Let's see what the NPC will give to me as a reward / Reward that NPC gives me: / Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?
My friend group be like:
My brain has no heart / My heart has no brain / That's why when I speak my mind I seem heartless and when I do whats in my heart I seem thoughtless
Me when I see my dog sleeping in the middle of the day:/Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest.
Me staring at my calculator app for 45 seconds before I remember I was trying to open my clock app to set an alarm:
Me if I pass my finals / Me if I fail my finals
Me after rushing through all my homework:/I'm done! I'm finished!/My answers:
Me 30 mins after putting the rest of the pizza in the fridge for lunch tomorrow / After all... why not? / Why shouldn't I eat it?
