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Please do not say "dammmmn" when you hear the price. / Me saying damn / The sign / The store
Me: *Plays a load of different genres of music* / Spotify reccomendations:
North pole job fair
Me staring at the gunk I just squeezed out of a zit
Me picking my college major / Me picking a music queue for my shower / Yearning / I am a burden
Someone / A compliment / Me not knowing how to react
Me at a nice restaurant trying to pretend I ain't mad paying $50 a plate to still be hungry
When u totally misread a situation and it turns out you've got it all wrong / I sorry for barking
I'm shy at first. But once I get comfortable with you... / Get ready for some crazy shit.
Life hack:/ If you fill a latex glove up with warm pudding and chicken bones it kinda feels like holding hands with a girl./ Do not eat the pudding after
If "reality TV" was actually like reality:
My crush: I love a good sense of humor / Me: (trying to impress her) / You know, I'm something of a joke myself
Someone: giving me verbal instructions / My brain:
Me: gives great advice to others when they need help / Others to me when I need help: / Well, suck it up. / We all have problems.
My level 100 friend / Gear that he doesnt use anymore / Me a new player
Describe your relationship history / Me: / I love trash / Oscar the grouch
Me: *confesses feelings to crush* / Crush: / New level of trust earned / You're now a stranger
I remember you said you liked......so I got you some / Honestly people who take the time to remember the small things about you are the best kind of people.
Wifey - Hon, why did you pause the tv? / Me
Family: Why aren't you dating? You're soo cute / Me:
Whole sidewalk exists / 8 year old me: / Swag.
When you're playing tag and you get someone but they say, / I'm not playing anymore! / They played us like a damn fiddle!
When you're depressed af but your favorite song comes on / See you in three minutes little dark cloud of sadness
When you want to play a game to relax, but an annoying mission ends up stressing you out twice as much as before.