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Someone said my kitchen looks like a low budget sitcom set
I'll just check Reddit for 2 minutes / 3 hours later– now I know everything about snail migration and deep sea worms
Friend: How are you so good at waking up in a morning? / Me at 5am after setting my alarm tone to dark souls boss music
"Birds can't make facial expressions!"
There's two types of people when someone suggests buying shots on a night out...
NYC is filled with people using coffeeshops to get important work done.
7 year old me after mom drove past McDonald's
*in my head* / Fictional characters / Me
finally starting the task you told your boss you started a week ago and the document says "request access"
Me casually waiting for February 15th when all Valentine's candy hits clearance.
That pre-broke stage like you ain't broke yet, but you can see it coming
I need to get my life together but I'm kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.
When you tell them that you like to code And they start asking whether you can hack someone's instagram account
When you work from home during the holidays
SLOW DOWN!!! You bloody maniac!
Kids beg you to play hide-and-seek and then hide like this
My daughter has this stuffed animal that you can heat up prior to cuddling with. I always feel like a psychopath doing this
Holiday gift guide: good gifts for sad people by @dumbsoberbitch bad coping mechanism dinner serotonin shower in a can diagnosis new sweatpant a will to live instant noodle roomba stucco to stare at heavy blanky a fast car
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