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Character of the movie I'm watching: *Goes underwater* / Me for no fucking reason:
Cat vomit caution / Dog vomit caution
Caring about people that don't care about me / Not caring about people that care about me / My brain
People will turn 30 and base their entire personality off one of these
A picture of my cat after not eating for 30 minutes
Teacher: Oh, you didn't have to hand it in today. / The deadline was extended for next week.
You can't fail a test if you study hard, have a positive attitude, and get a good nights rest
Today's moment to ponder:/Why am I awake when I could be spending my time so much better sleeping?
When you're listening to really fast music that pumps you up but you're not doing anything particularly exciting so you just sit there super energetically
When you're already full but found a video that you really enjoyed:
When your manager says you can choose who has to work with you on a Saturday / Work Schedule / Death Note
When you stub your toe while home alone and realize you can scream all you want / Noises of agony and suffering
When you don't know the answer and don't want to get called on, so you hit them with the:
When I finally found the motherfucker that had been holding me back. / Me: / Also me:
What I look like in the mirror at home / What I look like when I see my reflection in public
Tablet salesman: *slaps tablet* This bad boy has less RAM than a potato hooked up to a light bulb! / My school: / INVEST
Optical illusion / Optical pain / These are two perfectly geometrical circles
When you're talking normally and then suddenly your sentence rhymes
Me, at 23, the day after I stayed up drinking until 4 a.m. / Me, at 40, the day after I stayed up until 10:15 p.m. to switch the laundry.
Me / That constant feeling of guilt whenever I eat and getting thoughts saying you don't deserve to eat you're not skinny enough
Man, staying up all night doesn't affect you?/Me: Nope, look at me fresh as a daisy
Sometimes when you hurt nobody sees your pain./Sometimes when you're sad nobody sees your sorrow./Sometimes when you cry nobody sees your tears./But fart just once...
Personal trainer: Here's your fitness plan / Me:
No image has ever described my life quite so well / We must stop eating! Cried Toad as he ate another.