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When the car you used to draw in kindergarten pull up on you
Friend: are you okay? / Me: *trying out coffins* why do you ask?
When you hit the space bar and the page slides down instead of pausing the video
When someone tries talking to me but I haven't had my alone time today
Pigeon parents hide their young for a month after they hatch. / We can't show this to anyone.
Waiting for my morning coffee to brew like
Me: *Trying to appear like I am listening* / Meanwhile in my head:
Me: "Universe, please give me a sign" / The sign: / $20 off / Got pain? / You deserve it
People with daily anxiety pretending to be okay to trick their anxiety:/Oh this thing? Nah it doesn't bother me none.
Others during cold weather / Me during cold weather / Sarcasm
My little brother/Me
My crush:/Her mum:/Her dad:/Her brother:/Her friends:/Me:
My boyfriend when we met: I hate cats. Cats are gross. I am allergic. I could never be a cat person or live with cats / My boyfriend now:
Kid: Daddy is so lucky. He gets to go out and play with animals all day./Mom who knows he's a hunter:
Mom: "The house better be spotless by the time im back" / Me when I hear the car pull up 4 hours later
Me realizing I accidentally liked a 3-year-old post while stalking someone's profile / Sarcasm
Me hoping that the $80 skincare products can save my 3-hour sleeping schedule damage
Me finally sending that risky text
Lava from the depths of Orodruin / Comfortable water temperature / A liquid which will instantly turn your body into ice
Random Person: Hi how are you? / Introvert Dialogue Options: / Sarcasm
Trying to see in the shower after getting shampoo in your eye.
Doctor: Why did you take your antibiotic at 6am, when i told you 9am? / Me: I wanted to surprise the bacteria / Doctor:
Me tryna figure out how tf I got into the same exact situation that I promised myself I would never allow myself to get into again
I don't know why but this looks to me like I'm on an operation table receiving surgery from cats / "frank hand me the scalpel" / "meow" / "godammit frank this isn't a game"
