ARE YOU GOING TO SLEEP? / YES I AM. NOW SHUT UP / DO YOU THINK THE PENGUIN EVER MADE IT TO THE MOUNTAIN?
The person who wrote 10 paragraphs proving I'm wrong / Me who spotted that he used "your" instead of "you're"
Me in a meeting trying to concentrate but my stomach sound like boots in a dryer
Relationships are just two people constantly asking each other what they want to eat, until one of them dies.
Having 2 TB space on your gaming console now / Having 50 GB space on your gaming console 10 years ago
Me spreading my addictive personality evenly enough that no one thing destroys me
Getting obliterated by the pure force of nature (allergy season).
Has science gone too far
Me "But I overthink" / Chat GPT "Then I'll overexplain" / This is so realThis is so real
Baby on an airplane: *cries* Its / mom: We handle it by not handling it
Me watching the 5th episode of the 3rd season of the show I started on the same day
Explain this gapin your resume? / Explain why this role has been open since March?
Breaking Bad fans when Jesse gets tired of Walter's manipulation: Oh dear, oh dear. Gorgeous. / Breaking Bad fans when Skyler gets tired of Walter's manipulation: You fucking donkey.
WHO WOULD WIN? / a giant three-headed dragon, composed of three dragons that have already been established as the strongest monsters in the game / one fluffy boi
Therapist: objects can't have enmity with you / Curtains in my bedroom
Life with a orange cat
Me scraping the cream off of an oreo
How people actually learn about planning a budget
Me getting ready to leave the house / Dealing With People You Can't Stand
PRICE / GAME
wet dog meets semi wet dog no.body_special / i'm you, but with legs
In high school, I was complaining about how long the school day was and my teacher turned to me and said, "the days are long, but the years are short" and I was like "what the f*ck you talking about you lu**tic" and then the bell rang and now I'm in my 30s.
When you get an intrusive thought begone thought.
When the downstairs neighbors' argument sounds good asf
Carl has brought you water / He wants to make sure you stay hydrated / Say thank you for the water carl
Video Game Directors be like: Ok, now add two other paths that lead to the same quest destination
"let me take a picture before we start eating"
when someone says "so what do you like to do for fun" unexpectedly so u didn't have time to prep ur answers and now ur actually trying to think of the last time u felt joy
The guy I'm dating has the funniest cat ever. Will sit like this forever if you don't give him attention
people who watch other people playing video games on Twitch are stupid / you watch other people play football on TV
How the night before an important event feels
Your dog when you ask them to do something cool in front of people / I understand nothing.
I'm doing dry January.
Lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions / the very same lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and onions but in a burger
I want to spend money but not my money.
The guy who has to put the laugh track in for every episode of Friends
WAKING UP EARLY GIVES YOU MORE TIME / BUT IM TIRED THE WHOLE DAY.
always sift your flour to remove lumps
Kids: I can't wait til I'm an adult so I can make my own rules and do what I want! / Adults
me losing all my humor and conversational skills when someone I don't know joins the conversation
